Life right now is pretty damn perfect. I just want to hold on to this moment and not let it go.
I feel so grateful for all I have. We have been through some damn tough times in the past and I remember saying ‘things will work out’ trying to keep positive when sometimes it felt like I didn’t actually know how we would get through. Well right now, I feel like things have all worked out pretty damn perfectly.
Maybe it’s because I know there may be an end in sight, as eventually I’ll have to go back to work. Going back to work when Logan was three months old, even though he came with me, has made me realise how amazing this time is right now, being at home with them. Putting all my focus and energy into both of them without any distractions. From the outside it may not look like we have a lot. However, I just feel so damn thankful for all I have and every day that I get to spend with the loves of my life.
I’m loving being at home with the sprogs. Each morning I have no alarm clock, just the squawks of the baby or the chattering of Logan to rouse me from my sleep. Going and getting them from their beds and be greeted by their smiles is just the best way to start the day. We have such lazy mornings. Something I’ve not really done before. I’ve always been someone who will jump out of bed and try to get everything done, seeing no point in hanging about. Well now our mornings consist of me feeding Molly while Logan has his milk, all snuggled up in our bed watching CBeebies. We often don’t make it downstairs till about 8.30. These mornings are some of the most precious times to me. Just snuggling these warm little beings that we made. Listening to Logan chattering about Neenaws, or iggle piggle or whatever else he is fixated on at the time. Smelling that warm little smell and soaking them in.
They each seem to be at such a lovely stage that just makes my little heart so glad every day. Molly is at the stage where, at four months old, she is content to lie or sit there, watching the world go on around her. Going and chatting to her, her little body wriggles in acknowledgement and she gurgles and gives you the biggest beaming grin. We had a little blip in her sleeping through the other week, but I spent one night persevering; going and cuddling her, and putting her back down till she got herself to sleep. It did the trick and I still sometimes hear her wake but she shuffles around and goes back to sleep generally without a whimper.
Logan seems to be growing into such a cool little dude and he makes his mamma proud on so many occasions. He is so warm and loving towards Molly it melts my heart. He loves to go and see her when its time to wake her up. He’ll often climb
up to her cot or want to get in. He’s so happy when she wakes and I bring her in to play. He’s started trying to pick her up or take her hand so she can come and play with him. I can’t wait till they can play together. However, I’m well aware we have to get through the stage where she’s crawling round and destroys everything he’s doing!!
I feel like I’ve blinked and all of a sudden he’s growing out of toddlerhood already. He takes himself off upstairs now to play Lego which I thought wouldn’t happen for another few years. It has me on edge though because on one hand its brilliant that he can go and play while I’m making tea but on the other he’s still so young that I cant trust him not to go fishing down the toilet…or get into the dreaded tub of Sudocrem!
He is so damn amenable he makes my life very easy at the moment. This will all change once he starts nursery I’m sure. He’ll soon learn to answer back and be a little buggar but for now I’m going with it.
I’m not naïve however, I know everything is ‘a phase’ even the good times. Soon Molly
will be teething and Logan will go through a grumpy sod phase. I also don’t have rose tinted glasses on, there are days when the baby wont stop shitting through all her clothes, or like this morning, when Logan decided he
would lie down in the post office just to be defiant! I’m writing all this down as I want to look back at this time when I’m tearing my hair out, wondering where it all went wrong! But for now I just want to hold onto this moment and squeeze every ounce of gorgeousness out of it that I can.
Oh, and that there baby daddy’s pretty fab too (God forbid I forget him!!)