Daddy’s away…daddy’s been away a lot lately (lots of work things but this weekend is a stag so don’t feel too sorry for him.) Mamma’s had to get pretty swift at grabbing a shower in the small window of having finished feeding the babe and going downstairs to make the troops breakfast!

It goes something like this:

Step in bath and start shower. Don’t step in the water, no no, that is a rookie mistake as in 5,4,3,2,1…muuuuummmmyyyyy

Jump out the bath (thankfully you’re still dry) crawl on the floor to see the boy (you’re stark naked and the curtains are open; the neighbours can be saved that sight) the boy is trying to stack balls and getting frustrated. Quick physics lesson that balls are round and won’t stack, as they don’t have flat sides. Try and persuade boy that he can sit in our bed and watch CBeebies. It gets turned down in replace of trying to stack shuttlecocks (mental note to remove the sports equipment from his room)

Jump back in shower.

Wet hair

Small child opens the door

“Whatcha doing mummy?”

“Having a shower bubs”

Walks out leaving door open

Shove door shut from the tub

Door gets pushed open

“You ok loges?”

No answer

“Loges???”

Still no answer

Shove door shut again

Damn door opens again making you freeze

Shove it shut one last time in the hope he’s buggered off to play somewhere or has gone into the CBeebies trance

Wash hair…was that a cry I heard?? Nah it’s fine, condition hair…ok that was definitely a cry, jump out the shower all soapy check in bedroom to see all is fine, babe playing on the floor and the boy has finally succumbed to the pull of CBeebies.

Curse ‘baby tinnitus’ (where you hear a baby crying even when there isn’t)

Jump back in shower.

Consider shaving as you’re taking the sprogs swimming this afternoon. Decide that’s too risky a move as there’s JUST NO TIME. Hope that the swimming pool is empty this afternoon.

Finish shower in approximately 23 seconds as now you’re certain you can hear crying.

Jump out and grab towel, thankful that you got a full 30 seconds to yourself.

Or just choose option B:

B) Shower the bloody night before